


creeping feet where they’ve never been before

by fiveyaaas



Series: In Another Life [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (besides dolores who is made a lesbian), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Awkward First Times, Crack Treated Seriously, Eventual Smut, Everybody is bisexual or pansexual in this, F/M, Fluff, Human Dolores (Umbrella Academy), Jealousy, Light Angst, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Title taken from “ottoman” by Vampire Weekend, Which is a banger and i rec you listen to it during the smut scene when it happens, esp. the part about making a mannequin a lesbian, idk if that’s completely accurate but uh, idk this is LIGHT on crack, no i will not explain this further, oh it just occurred to me that leonard’s in this too but he’s irrelevant, side benkliego and alluther, this IS a nick and norah’s infinite playlist au, truly in the span of one night if you think about it, what about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “Without thought to the action, he steadied them, glancing down at the cute girl who was staring up at him.“Sorry,” he muttered, hoping it would appease her. She gripped his shirt, and, before he could comprehend what was happening, she was kissing him.”“Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” AU
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: In Another Life [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868005
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	creeping feet where they’ve never been before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maddiemiran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiemiran/gifts).



> This is for Maddie, who agreed to do a fic exchange with me. PLEASE read her “End of the F*cking World” AU (make sure to read the trigger warnings on it though)!!!!!!! I am about to leave the longest comment on it, but I wanted to have this out before I did. She is such a wonderful friend, and I am so thankful to have her. 
> 
> This will all be set in one night, so please keep this in mind as you read it lol!!!! It’s based off the movie version of “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” which I recommend all of y’all to watch if only for Kat Dennings, who owns my lesbian heart. 🥰 
> 
> I will also include Alluther and Benkliego in this, and I’m trying to decide if I want Allison’s POVs in here or not. If you guys are interested in that, please tell me!!!

Five wouldn’t say that he had an obsession with his ex-girlfriend, Dolores.

Tons of people his age had feelings as strong as he had for her, and he didn’t quite understand why his friends kept trying to get his mind off of her in the three weeks, two days, twenty three hours, fifty seven minutes, and thirty five seconds that they’d been broken up. Part of him was convinced Diego only cared because his feelings cut into their band practice, considering the fact that he spent hours at a time staring at walls and thinking of the life they could spend together. Actually, he was truly convinced because Diego had explicitly said that if Dolores cut into their ability to win Battle of the Bands this year, he would kick him out of the band, add someone who appreciated being in a band of three other bi and pan guys. Five was 90% certain that the only reason he was excluded from their inner circle was because he had no intention of joining Ben, Klaus, and Diego’s on-again, off-again relationship. Being bisexual simply didn’t cut it for them, they needed someone who didn’t mind dealing with their relationship drama too. 

Five was also pretty sure that they fully intended to kick him out anyways. They barely even had a drummer, considering the fact that Klaus was so flaky that he was there maybe one every sixteen rehearsals. Fortunately, because Five had secured them a gig that night (one that could potentially score them an opportunity to see one of their favorite local bands, Raining Sparrows, who thrived off their obscurity and refused to tour like mainstream bands and had secret shows instead), they were willing to overlook the fact that he didn’t want to sleep with any of them. Unfortunately, it took one look into the crowd for his eyes to land on Dolores, and a panic attack set in. 

He would like to say that it was the panic attack that caused him to perform tragically that night, but he was pretty sure that it was really just the fact that his band was kind of shit. They’d used an old children’s toy keyboard with drumming noises because Klaus had told them vaguely he was going to be spending the time ‘scoping out the fans,’ which Five took to mean he was going to get drunk with and/or grind on them in the crowd. His boyfriends hadn’t seemed to care, just waving him off easily, making Five sigh loudly in irritation at their nonchalance. They would never be able to make it if Klaus wasn’t willing to participate in their performances and they were forced to use a kid’s toy for his parts of the songs. 

When they got off the slightly raised platform meant to be a stage, he was very thankful that he’d secured a position at MIT, studying both theoretical physics and chemical engineering before he decided which was a better fit for him. Physics interested him more, but engineers had an easier time getting jobs based on everything he’d seen so far. Then again, chemical engineers had pretty shitty jobs to look forward to. He sometimes accepted that being a professor of physics would be the only somewhat non-abhorrent path for him. 

Either way, he didn’t think his band was going to kick off, and having a day job was probably important. 

When he stumbled in the general direction of Dolores, wanting to impress her with how totally cool and normal he had been acting since their breakup and that he  _ hadn’t  _ cried upon realizing they’d passed the three week, three day mark in the middle of the song, even though he’d cried on every anniversary of their breakup so far, he ran into a much shorter person than himself. Without thought to the action, he steadied them, glancing down at the cute girl who was staring up at him. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, hoping it would appease her. She gripped his shirt, and, before he could comprehend what was happening, she was kissing him. 

“Uh,” Five cleared his throat. He didn’t know how to handle the fact that a pretty girl had just kissed him unwarranted or that he failed to kiss back when he really wanted to. Really, Five wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that he wanted to kiss anybody else than Dolores. “I-  _ what?” _

“Pretend to be my boyfriend,” she snapped, eyes narrowing. She was much shorter than him, but there was so much fury in her stance that she appeared just a little taller. “It’s simple.” 

“Okay?”

“I’m Vanya. And that girl,” she jerked her chin in a direction similar to where Dolores was, making him wonder if she was referring to her. The thought that Vanya _ knew  _ Dolores made him both intrigued and apprehensive. “Is pissing me off. She keeps talking about how I’ve never dated anybody before, and I think it’s just the fact that she’s so  _ clearly  _ a closeted lesbian. Because she’s so insecure about her sexuality, she’s making fun of mine. Or, well, my lack of sexuality. I’m a virgin.”

_ “What?”  _ Five repeated. He wasn’t sure how to handle all that was going on right now, and, despite being a relatively smart guy, he felt like he was the most stupid person in a ten mile radius at this particular moment.

“Pretend to be my boyfriend! Catch up!”

Five openly gaped at the girl, not really sure how to handle the fact that she was kind of bullying him or that he was kind of obsessed with it. The only thing going through his mind was that he was intrigued by her, and he was willing to roll with whatever she had in mind. 

When music started drifting around them, she grabbed his hand, announcing, “I love this song! What’s your name, by the way?” She smiled up at him, and he felt his heart stutter a beat, wondering if she could feel it where their hands connected. 

“Five,” he told her, all of her words catching up to him. She was  _ right _ ; it was a good song that was playing. It was by the Raining Sparrows, and Five was pretty sure that it was a clue. That they were soon to find that concert.

And maybe he kind of liked the idea that Dolores was watching them with a jealous expression across her features, and maybe he kind of liked that Vanya’s eyes crinkled when they squinted from the lights of the club. And maybe he considered taking Vanya along to the concert he was trying to find, and maybe he considered letting her kiss him again.

It was odd, how in these past fifteen minutes, he felt happier than he had in the three weeks and three days since he’d been broken up with Delores. So happy that he lost track of the seconds  _ and  _ the minutes, even. 

It was as he had the thought, of course, that a very drunk girl came stumbling up to them. 

“Allison?” Vanya asked, turning to Allison. She moved away from him, walking to her friend. “Oh, God, are you drunk again?”

“Possibly,” Allison said, managing to somehow slur the one word. “But then again, aren’t we all?”

Wanting Vanya to warm up to him by taking her side, Five told Allison, “No.” 

“We should take you home,” Vanya told her friend, reaching out to her. 

Five felt panic hit his chest at the concept of her leaving, and he offered, “My friends could take her home.”

“And  _ murder  _ her?” Vanya hissed at the same time Allison asked, “Are they cute?”

“They’re not going to murder her,” Five frowned. “They’re all in a relationship, too, and I don’t think they’d want her to be included in that.”

“They’re gay?”

“Not exclusively; they're just possessive of one another.”

Vanya frowned at him, and he pointed them out. A girl kept trying to ask Diego out, who looked genuinely offended by the concept that he would cheat on his boyfriends. She clearly could tell they weren’t a threat.

“Are any of them sober, though?” Vanya asked dubiously. 

“I’m not!” Allison declared, and Vanya’s expression grew impossibly more pinched. 

“I’m straight edge,” Diego bragged. Without preamble, he started listing off celebrities that were also straight edge. Vanya kept trying to interrupt him to tell him she got the point, opening her mouth at least fifteen separate times before Diego finished the requisite list, saying, “Point of the matter is, it’s  _ in _ right now; and I’m in  _ great  _ company. Plus, I’m on fitstagram, and you should seriously consider following me.”

“Are you... hitting on me?”

“How  _ dare _ you imply I’d be with someone other than Ben and Klaus?”

Vanya opened her mouth again, but Allison told them all, “I want to explore!” 

“I’m taking you home,” Vanya said, reaching for her. 

Allison shook her head, “I refuse to let you take me away.”

Diego touched her arm, and Allison smiled serenely up at him. Before she could even notice, he lifted her up. Vanya pursed her lips before nodding her assent, deciding to accept that her best friend was being carted away. Probably for the same reason she kept glancing in the same direction, obviously trying to prove a point to somebody. 

“You know the band that was playing? The one whose song you liked just now?” Five asked, reaching for her. “They’re supposed to be playing tonight.”

_ “That’s  _ why their song was playing,” she gasped. Five felt his heart skip a beat, realizing that she was likely one of their fans as well. 

“Do you know what that means?” Vanya asked, grabbing onto his hand and lacing their fingers together. 

“What does it mean?” He looked at their clasped hands, for the first time in a while not counting time at all- instead he counted the lines against her palm and her pulse against his skin. 

“It means we have to look for more clues,” she said, smiling. “If we want to actually see them.”

* * *

Vanya and Five exited the club he’d just played in, searching for clues. She kept glancing over to him, wondering how he could possibly know so much about the Raining Sparrows.  _ Nobody  _ knew about them, it was their claim to fame. 

Her mind drifted to all the mixtapes that Dolores had given her from her ex, saying that his music taste was too obscure and giving it to Vanya like that was some sort of slamdunk on her. Dolores was  _ not  _ Vanya’s friend, but she was a mutual friend to Allison. Allison could kind of make friends with anybody, including a very insecure girl like Dolores. Vanya honestly didn’t know why the girl didn’t just come out, why she was trying to convince herself to love her ex when she could be with someone she could potentially be happy with. Then again, Vanya had been out of the closet for many years, so she couldn’t really talk. 

The point of the matter was, Vanya supposed  _ somebody  _ besides the two of them knew about the Raining Sparrows. She’d sort of gotten a crush on the guy who made them, never having known anything about him other than his music taste, but she thought that she could easily like a guy who liked a lot of the things she liked. Everybody she was attracted to had to have similar interests, and her ideal person would be someone she could also call her best friend.

When Vanya ran into a poll, she was at first upset at the black eye she likely caused, but then she saw the little sparrows and umbrellas against the poster she’d ran into. Plucking it up, she and Five counted five sparrows and seven umbrellas, both realizing that they were providing  _ streets  _ at the same exact time, nearly yelling in excitement. 

They climbed into his car that Vanya was pretty sure had once been a taxi, talking excitedly. 

“I’m so happy,” Five admitted. “When Dolores broke up with me-“

“Dolores?” Vanya squeaked, heart stopping. This was the ex, the one who’d given her all those mix-tapes, who Dolores claimed was obsessed with her. She’d thought tonight could have been special, but she realized that he might just only want to be near her because of her connection to Dolores.

Of course, it was at that time that a couple climbed into the back of the car, seconds away from taking off all of their clothes and giving Five an address. They exchanged a glance before mutually agreeing to just take them there because it wasn’t that far away. The couple was somewhat unconventional, considering they looked about thirty years apart in age. She was pretty sure the younger one was more into it by the way he kept moaning, ‘I fucking love you, Agnes.’

Five and Vanya refused to look at one another for the duration of the time that the couple were in the car, but once they’d dropped them off, Vanya said, “I’m gonna head out too, actually.”

“Wait, why?”

“I know you don’t actually want me around,” she snapped. “Dolores and I barely know each other though, and pro-tip, Five? She’s gay!”

Five blinked, perplexed by her statement, and she rolled her eyes, hopping out of the car. He called out to her as she started to amble away, but she was quick enough in her movement that hopefully he couldn’t catch up.

When he did catch up to her because of  _ course  _ he did, Vanya rolled her eyes, refusing to make eye contact with him. 

“You know Dolores?” Five asked, setting his hands into his pockets. 

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“She’s friends with Allison. We’re not really friends though.” 

Five nodded, glancing at the ground. “Sorry, for uh. Letting you think that’s the only reason I wanted you around.”

“You’re saying that because you feel bad for me.”

Five frowned, “I don’t feel bad for you.”

She rolled her eyes, hating that they were slightly wet. It was how she always reacted when she got angry- crying, that is. Vanya hated that her body responded to anger with tears because nobody ever took it seriously then. “That’s worse, somehow,” Vanya told him, responding to his words. “That you don’t feel bad for me and are just spending time with me… for what?”

“You seem kind of… I don’t know. I get the idea that you’re smart because you seemed to be like you were willing to take care of Allison tonight, or at the very least that makes you a good friend. You also have a music taste that I like, and ugh…” He trailed off, face screwing up into something akin to a scowl. Vanya got the idea that he wasn’t often candid about his feelings like this, and it was something of a difficulty for him. She didn’t know if it was because he seemed to be an emotionally inept grouch or if it was because he seemed to be a little socially awkward, but she found herself feeling oddly sympathetic to him for it. “You surprised me tonight. Especially with, uh.  _ How  _ exactly we met.” 

“You just want me to put a good word in for Dolores,” Vanya snapped, mainly because she was embarrassed by the fact that he somewhat brought up the fact that she’d kissed him earlier and lashing out so it wouldn’t be apparent that she was ashamed. 

“Are you… jealous of Dolores?”

One of Vanya’s eyes twitched, and she lashed out again, embarrassed, “You know, from  _ everything _ she says about you, you’re pretty pathetic anyways.”

Five’s eyes flashed, jaw clenching, “You know what? Go ahead and walk home. I don’t care anymore.” 

It would have been the end of the night, the end of the possibilities that came after.

But then his phone rang. 

He answered it, growling into the receiver,  _ “What?” _

His jaw dropped, and he hung up, eyes wide. “So, uh…”

Vanya raised her brows, arms crossing over her chest. “Say it.” 

Looking like he was already accepting his untimely death, he blurted, “Allison’s missing.” 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!!💕💕


End file.
